When God calls you somewhere, you go. There can be anxious thoughts, uncertainties, and even fear, but out of all, there is complete joy. Almost three months have passed for me here and as I sit at home this Monday morning, sipping Mukwano tea and eating a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich for breakfast, my heart is burdened and heavy with the uncertainties of what lies ahead. Many things have been pulling my heart in different directions lately and its hard for me to find the motivation to keep going. If I let it, fear could grip me so tightly in this moment that I could not escape it. God brought me here, but He never promised it would be easy, but lately I find myself asking, “God, why am I here? What is my purpose?” And I beg Him to reveal it to me, but it’s taking long and my heart feels so impatient. Patience is not one of my strong points and I start thinking, Please, I want to know so badly so I can start doing “great things” so why aren’t You showing me already? Utterly selfish thinking. It’s in these moments that He draws me close in His big, Fatherly hug, and whispers in my ear, Trust Me. He redirects my thoughts and brings me back to the realization that everything comes perfectly in His timing, and each day is a gift from Him. He reminds me I don’t have to be doing big and huge things, but small acts of kindness and compassion speak volumes. And if I just trust Him and cast my anxieties to Him, He will carry me over the rocky path, onto the smooth, sweet path of His plan.
You are my hiding place; You will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. Psalm 32:7
I have come to the realization that comparison is the thief of all joy. What is comparison that I can let it steal my joy? And who am I that I can question the Creator of the whole universe why He didn’t create me like someone else? This year has been a year of change and of new beginnings and of hardship. I am still learning, and as I learn, the Holy Spirit wraps around me tightly and reminds me that I am a Daughter of The King. It’s in the words of a song, the deep colors of a sunset, the free laughter of children around me, and the joy of friendship that He unveils His love to me. And its then that I breath in deeply and let go of the fear that has started to overtake my heart.
For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave to fear, but you received the spirit of Sonship. And by Him we cry, “Abba, Father.” Romans 8:15
We are not failures and we are not mistakes, we are Sons and Daughters of the King. It’s with that truth that I can now walk boldly and confidently into each day knowing that He brought me to this very place. And its with that truth that I will learn to trust in His timing and continue to climb up the mountain of life with Him holding my hand every step of the way.
I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14